We were on the road a lot this summer, visiting family in Wisconsin and New York and having our own family adventures in the moments in-between.  I'm grateful my husband and I can work remotely and that we have some great neighbors and friends who will watch over our house. Seven years ago we set out to spend our summers this way to have more time to connect with friends and family. Each year since then we have been able to live more into this goal.  

In total, we were away from home for five weeks between June and August. I have to be honest, going into these trips I had a vision of perfect weather, synchronized smiling for family “on the road” photos, and counting silos together on the long drive north. At the same time, I was very aware of the reality-  a work crisis will pop up at inconvenient times needing to be addressed, the kids will eat way too much sugar, spend way too much time on screens, get way too tired, and eventually flip their lids. I knew going in that our parenting and personal strategies that keep our family in harmony will  be compromised. In truth- sometimes our kids get super grumpy when out of their habitat of origin- and so do we.  

So how did we balance this dream with reality?  

Yes- “we” meaning me, B (my husband), and our 5 and 7 year olds. The first step was checking in to make sure we were all up for this. That goal that B and I created in 2011- it’s not fair to just place that on our kids without some inquiry. Were they ready for the long car ride? Would they be happy being away from home for such a long time? Our answer was yes- they could do it. When we asked them, the were excited to do it. I knew right away this needed to be a team effort and we needed a clear roadmap to set us up for success. We started with some of the anchors below already in our practice and learned a lot more along the way.    

Anchor #1- Family self-care  

It is so easy to lose track of what each of us needs when we are out of our regular schedule. So we plan ahead. B and I make a list of the “must-haves” and then we make sure those activities land first on our daily schedule. Each of us has the “must-haves.” I need exercise and access to healthy food choices, B needs a running route. The kiddos need to swim and bike. We also check in with each other continually and ask our kids if they are tired, hungry, or just need to move and release energy. Our kids aren’t super little anymore but they are still young and need help taking a scan of how they are feeling and communicating what they need. Even more importantly, B and I hold each other accountable for taking care of our ourselves. When we are able to do this well, we are set up to be in the moment and experience fewer meltdowns (adult and child).  

Anchor #2- Be easy on each other  

Even with a plan in place, we will inevitably experience meltdowns, disagreements, and a lack of cooperation. When these things happen, especially on vacation, it is a sign that one of us (adults included) needs some extra support. Whether the support be one on one comfort, giving the person physical space, or sharing healthy options for releasing frustration- it is time to take break and be present with who ever is having a hard time. Being easy on each other means remembering that we each experience vacation differently and that even with the best family self-care plan in place,  being away from home can be hard.  

Anchor #3-  The first four  

“The first four” is a mantra that reminds me that even in the company of all our wonderful extended family members and friends, we do need to spend time together just with ourselves and our two kids. It is easy for us to get swept up with being with our extended families  because we love spending time with them. I’ve found that when the kids are with their cousins having non-stop fun they don't realize that they need a break from each other. Plugging back into our core family is the reset they need. We check-in with our kiddos and pay attention to when they may need time with just the four of us or one on one with me or B.  

Anchor #4- Daily downtime  

We commit to some serious daily downtime, especially since our kids are still young and easily wear out from the excitement that comes with travel. This time is plan and expectation free so we can all reset and recharge. This year the kids spent a couple hours each morning putting together lego sets and watching PBS while my husband and I caught up on the news, work, and planning the rest of the day. When we schedule this downtime in the afternoon, we cross our fingers that someone will nap. 

Anchor #5- Be in the moment  

Honestly, there may always be a part of me that will want a nice family photo in front of the house I grew up in or coastal sunset with everyone smiling at the camera. I’m learning to let this go.  I want us to remember connecting with our loved ones and having these experiences as a family. I put the phone and the camera away, find gratitude for where we are and who we are with and try to capture how we all feel in that moment knowing that is something I will be able to recall for a lifetime.  

How do you keep the balance and set yourself up to truly enjoy vacation?